God Isn’t Stupid!

Cows pass gas. That’s a great opening line, don’t you think? See, you can learn all kinds of things from this blog. Yes, I know you already knew that. Well, if you’ve never been around a cow you might not, but most people probably do. But! Did you know that taxing cows for passing gas is a new thing?

Yep. From everything I’ve read, Denmark is already doing so. They’ve proposed doing it in California. Why? Because cow flatulence produces a bunch of methane gas, which is bad for the environment. Their solution is to tax the cows. Or, I guess it would be the farmers. Not sure cows get an allowance, so taxing them might be pointless. As an aside, it’s not just their flatulence, it’s also produced in their burps. Maybe they could mix an antacid into their food? Might help. Probably won’t.

At any rate, it brings up an interesting question. One which I had to research. Yes, human flatulence can produce methane, too. If you’re on a no-fiber diet, it probably doesn’t. But if you’re on a high-fiber diet, yours might contain methane. That begs the question. If “they” want everyone to become a vegetarian so we won’t have cows arbirarily passing gas and polluting the environment, won’t humans become a bigger problem than we already are?

If so, will we be taxed? How will that work? Will one of those smart home devices be listening in and report back to someone that Ed passed gas? If Alexa doesn’t rat him out, am I going to be responsible for reporting it? “Hey, Alexa, did you hear that?” I’m not as concerned about that possibility as I am of him reporting me. I’m the one who has the high fiber diet, he’s more into hamburgers. Not good for the cows, but probably better for the environment.

I’m not a big red meat eater, but there isn’t much that’s as good as a cold glass of milk, especially if there are pancakes or fresh-out-of-the-oven cookies involved. And who doesn’t like cheese? All the really good comfort food includes cheese. Not that you necessarily care, but I used to spend hours making au gratin potatoes. I have a gazillion cookbooks and I found a really good recipe. Took forever to make. In case you haven’t picked up on it by now, I’m lazy. So I trashed that recipe and came up with my own. The secret ingredient? Campbell’s Cheddar Cheese Soup. Sliced potatoes, melted butter, undiluted soup, salt, pepper, and handfuls of whatever grated cheese strikes my fancy. Bake it all up and it’s the best comfort food ever. Wow…I totally got sidetracked there. And now I want potatoes. Back to the subject at hand! Without cows, I’d lose my potatoes and the occasional hamburger, so I’m voting no on the “cows are bad and should be eliminated” issue.

It’s not just cows. Pigs produce methane, too, although they’re pretty far down on the list. In my world, that’s a good thing. One word. Bacon! Come on, you can’t tell me your mouth didn’t water just a little bit when you read that one word. Pork chops, pork rinds, pork roast, ham, etc. About the only thing I won’t eat on a pig is their head and hoofs. And tails. Pig tails belong on my head, not in my belly. But bacon. Yum! I told my Rabbi friend I could never convert to Judaism because of the bacon cheeseburger issue.

Even termites contribute to the problem, but if they were to disappear off the face of the earth I wouldn’t really care. They’re nasty little creatures. Not sure why God decided we needed them, but I don’t understand fleas, ants, flies, scorpions, or mosquitos either. The only logical explanation for most insects is God gave them to us so we’d have something to bring us down to earth when we start thinking we’re all that. If you’ve ever had an ant or rolypoly invasion in your house, you know what I mean. And insects do make great cat toys if they’re stupid enough to come into our house. Catching flies is the only job our babies have, and you don’t need a TV if you’re watching them try to snag one.

The whole thing seems a little silly to me. Yes, I’m concerned about the environment, and I do my part. I recycle, compost, religiously conserve water since that’s my drink of choice, use my own bags at the grocery store when I remember to take them out of the car, and do a myriad other little things to help out. But, I’m drawing the line at concerning myself over animal flatulence.

I would take the warnings a whole lot more seriously if the people giving them would stop going everywhere in a private jet. “They” have a climate change conference and everyone arrives in their own jet. If they were as concerned as they want us to be, they’d carpool. Or rather, planepool, if there is such a thing. It’s hard to take them seriously when you’re overwhelmed by their hypocrisy.

The Bible is pretty clear on the whole animal issue. God gave us animals. By believing cows will destroy the earth’s environment, aren’t I believing God didn’t know what He was doing when He made cows? I highly doubt that. I find it ludicrous He would give us animals with the power to destroy our world. He expects us to take care of His planet, but He also wants us to be happy. (Which is why he gave us cats.) (And cows so Ed could have a steak.) I’ll continue doing my part in my own way, but I’m drawing the line at reporting Ed to the flatulence cops or foregoing a bacon cheeseburger when the mood strikes me. Somewhere is a happy medium in all this, and I really hope they find it. Preferably one that doesn’t involve thinking God is stupid.