But, Wait!

I love commercials! In some ways they’re better than regular TV shows. Mini-dramas or a good comedy in 30 seconds or less. I’ve been hooked more than once on buying something just because the commercial roped me in. I hate to admit I’m sometimes that gullible, but I am.

I’m not too wild about infomercials. Mostly because they’re usually too long and boring. They’ve managed to stretch the 30-second commercial into the equivalent of watching paint dry. The ones that interrupt the movies are at least two minutes long and in the middle of the night, if you’re really bored, you can sit through a half-hour of salesmanship. Okay, okay—yes, I’ll admit…I have bought something from there, also. I didn’t actually buy it from the commercial itself, but eventually they’ll end up selling it at Wal-Mart or Walgreen’s or some other place I shop, and I’ll get it there. The only good thing about those commercials is they always put in something extra. But WAIT! They’ll double the order or add in some plastic utensil you’ll never use. They’ve started to use other terminology now. Probably because too many of us are making fun of the “But, Wait!” expression.

If I see something I like, I’ll look it up on the internet and e-mail the link to the hubby. I’ve found out that sending him links, circling magazine ads, or cutting pictures from catalogs are a pretty good way to get what I want for CHRISTmas or my birthday or some other present-required occasion. I might also add here that it might not be something I really want but rather something I think I want.

Like the one-piece blender, crusher, whipper, make you coffee in the morning and vacuum the floor appliance. I used it twice, and then decided my KitchenAid was better. I won’t tell you how much money he spent, because you’ll think I’m a bad wife for suggesting I wanted it. Or that’s he’s crazy for paying that much. Since I have every kitchen toy known to man, though, it was a foregone conclusion I’d end up with it. He’s more than happy to buy me anything I want for the kitchen, as long as I keep on feeding him. Especially since his own cooking talents are limited to bacon sandwiches. How he stays so skinny is a mystery to me since I can gain weight reading a recipe.

Then there’s the Pasta Pot. Okay, I really like that one. So much in fact that I threatened Ed with divorce if he didn’t keep hiding it on me. He makes a game out of cleaning up by never putting anything back in the same place twice. I’ve finally figured out another great solution to that problem, though. I’m going to take pictures of what goes in every cabinet and tape them inside the cabinet doors. That might do the trick.

Have you seen Tony Little? He had that “Gazelle” exercise machine he advertised. I’m not wild about his advertising style, a little too “up” for me, and I want to take scissors to his pony tail, but it’s a great machine. Ed also got me one of those. Then my “sister’s” husband bought her one. And Ed’s best friend’s wife got one. Then Ed upgraded mine. HEY! I should have e-mailed Tony and requested a commission, huh? At any rate, that was one of the all-time great presents. It’s amazing how many clothes you can hang off it when you’re too lazy to put them up where they belong. Makes it a little hard to use as an exercise machine but it works exceptionally well as a clothes rack. And I must admit, when I do use it, it’s probably the only exercising I’ve ever actually enjoyed doing. I am the master of excuses for not exercising. Let me know if you need any.

One foray into the world of advertising involved the Sonic drive-in. I love Sonic! They have the best kid’s meals. They put good stuff in there like yo-yos or kids with magnetic feet on skateboards. My mom always said I was the only person she knew who picked places to eat based on what toy I got. Sonic’s commercials are good, too. I loved their Ranchero salad with the meat-based dressing. It’s chili, but the guy in the commercial wanted his wife to buy some of that dressing at the store. He was such an idiot in the commercials you just had to love him. Sonic is my favorite place to get fast food, unless Jack-in-the-Box is running something new. I love the clown, too.

They’d been advertising a junior banana split at Sonic. It looked so good! When we couldn’t stand it, we drove down the street to get one. Only 99 cents each for a banana split. How cool is that? It was really good. One minor problem. They shouldn’t call it a junior size; they should call it a mini size. Or at Ed so correctly pointed out, a micro-mini size. It was very small. About the time you’re enjoying it, it’s gone. I think 6 or 7 bites, 4 of which was the banana. They didn’t mention that on TV and it looked a lot bigger on the screen. We should have watched the commercials on a hand-held TV instead of the big screen, I guess. It was small enough that later I caught Ed eating a bowl of ice cream. I guess the Sonic trip was just enough to whet his appetite.

On the way home, we drove back by the new apartment complex by us. I say new but it’d been there about a year. The sign out front said, “Brand new.” At what point does it stop being brand new? I would think after a year they should change it to “Almost new.” Then progressively go down until the sign reads, “Older than dirt, but still good.”

People in advertising make a lot of money. They have groups of people sitting around, just thinking of ideas to sell stuff to highly-suggestible people like me. Only problem is, most of the time, the actual product doesn’t quite live up to its billing. Like a restaurant menu. When was the last time your food ever looked as good as it does in the picture on the menu? Probably never.

God doesn’t have a PR team. Probably because He doesn’t need one. I’ve broken the code on this whole advertising thing. The more they want to push something on you, the more people they have involved in doing so and the more money they spend doing it. Enough so that after about the fiftieth time you’ve seen the same commercial; you wouldn’t buy it on a bet. You’re about sick to death of the whole subject. Just about then, they’ll stop showing it. For a year or so, then it’ll be back. I guess they’re trying to suck in a new group of purchasers that hadn’t seen it before.

God just sticks with the same old plan. The Bible. There’s no false advertising there. What you see is what you get. He’s as good as His Word, so to speak. I think that’s my favorite thing about having a relationship with Him. I know if I read it in the Bible, I can believe it. It’ll all be true and exactly as advertised. No getting it and then finding out you didn’t want it in the first place. But, Wait! That’s not the only good thing. The other part is the consistency. He doesn’t change the message because He wants to hook new customers. The old message is still the best, and we don’t get sick of hearing it. God said it—I believe it—that settles it. A commercial as old as time and no false advertising. What a concept.