Totally Unacceptable!

I’m incensed!  Our new norm appears to be finding something that makes us angry, and I don’t want to miss out.  FOMO, as the young’uns say.  That’s Fear of Missing Out for you old folks who aren’t as hip as I am.  Soon, Aunt Jemima will lose her job, because that’s a stereotype, the Washington Redskins are now (temporarily until they can come up with the real name) the Washington Football team, and the Dixie Chicks are now just the Chicks.  Just to name a few.  In other words, times they are a changin’.  Every day, there are more “totally unacceptable” product names, statues, names of high schools and/or military installations, etc.  And I’m pretty sure this is just the beginning.  They’ve missed a few.

Dixie cups.  Really?  That’s gotta go but changing it to just “cups” may be a little confusing.  Although, imagine how much free advertising they’ll get every time someone says the word “cup.”  I’m offended by Colonel Sanders.  First of all, he wasn’t in the military, so they shouldn’t be calling him a Colonel.  Isn’t that stolen valor?  If he was in the military, he must have been part of the confederacy, so they need a new spokesperson.  Or rename him to Bubba Sanders.  Although, the Bubbas in the world may find that offensive.

We live in San Antonio, Texas, and that’s gotta be renamed.  Why?  Because there’s supposed to be a separation of church and state, and Saint Anthony definitely has a religious tone to it.  How about Tony, Texas instead?  That’s innocuous enough and sounds similar.  Now that you mention it, St. Paul, Minnesota. St. Augustine, Florida. St. Louis, Missouri, and about 50 other cities will need renaming, since they’re all named after Saints.  Man, we have our work cut out for us!

I’m trying to be upset about Red Baron pizza.  You might only know the Red Baron as being someone Snoopy has air combat with.  But the real Red Baron was Manfred von Richthofen, a German fighter pilot who was the deadliest flying ace of World War I.  Why are we glorifying a Nazi by putting him on a pizza box?  I’d be more upset, but since we’ve been doing pizza in the oven during the quarantine, instead of using Little Caesar’s, we think that’s the best one in the freezer aisle.  And we’ve pretty much tried them all.  Still, perhaps they should consider renaming it.  Perhaps Snoopy pizza?  And why is the Little Caesar’s mascot in a toga?  Talk about stereotyping.  That should be changed, too.  It’s an insult to Romans.

Keebler has got to wake up and smell the coffee.  Or cookies.  What gives them the right to make fun of short people by putting elves on their packages?  Little Debbie has the same problem.  Why does Debbie have to be portrayed as little?  Shouldn’t they be more concerned about damaging her self-esteem?  It’s not just short people who are being made fun of.  Tall people probably cringe every time a Green Giant commercial comes on.  Frogs might cringe, too, but I’m not sure they watch TV.  Seriously, our food companies need to stop being so insensitive!

Here’s a project for you.  Come up with your own list of “problems” society must address.  It won’t take long to find something that will offend somebody.  Personally, I don’t get offended by much, and I’d think it would be rather comical if it weren’t so tragic what’s happening.  I’m sure there are some things that should be changed, but I also firmly believe that some people are actively looking for something they can be offended by.  If “they” put half as much effort into working, helping others, and being a good citizen as they do tearing down statues and protesting what they perceive as an injustice, we’d all be a lot better off.

For years, whenever “bad” stuff happens, people get concerned it’s the end of the world.  All the signs certainly seem to be pointing to that right now.  I’d be worried if I didn’t know which way I’d be going, but Jesus pre-punched the “Up” button on the elevator for me, so I’m not concerned.  My advice?  Make sure you’ve got your button punched, just in case, and try not to get overly concerned about what’s going on, or you’ll make yourself sick.  Or sink into a pit of despair so deep you’ll need a ladder to get out.  Not a good thing.  In the meantime, I’m going to write a letter to General Motors.  And maybe General Mills and General Electric.  As a veteran, it’s offensive they’ve coopted a military term for their own benefit.  Shame on them.