The Envelope, Please!

How do they decide which movie is going to win the Academy Award? Does the panel of judges have to watch every movie that comes out in a year to decide, or do they just automatically discount some movies? I frankly wonder, because some of the top-rated movies are terrible, in my opinion, and some of the better ones never get nominated.

Since I was one of the few people in America that hadn’t seen Titanic when it was nominated, I couldn’t pass judgment on it. On the surface, however, it seemed to be just another movie about another boat that sank. I mean, we all know the ending, already, so where’s the suspense? When I finally did watch it, it wasn’t as thrilling as watching Shirley Winters lose her life in The Poseidon Adventure while saving others.

One of my personal favorites is Air Force One. It could be because of my Air Force background, but I think it’s because the good guys win. Now, there’s a President I could really look up to. Okay, let’s forget the fact that my husband knows he’s out the door if Harrison Ford comes knocking—this guy’s got guts. That’s who I want leading my country. Someone who can kick the bad guys off the plane and hug his wife afterwards. What a guy!

One of my husband’s favorite movies is Independence Day. I must admit, I fell in love with that President, also. How come these guys won’t run for office? I’d vote for either one of them. When Bill Pullen gives his speech before the big battle, I want to fly off and fight right beside him. That’s an incredibly moving speech.

Okay, the movie has some really bad scenes in it. I mean, these aliens come down here to take over the earth, and Will Smith can punch them out with only one hit. Talk about a glass jaw…that is, if it was his jaw. Then, to make matters worse, he turns his back on the alien and smokes a cigar. Now, is that realistic? Would you really turn your back on the alien? I don’t think so. Has Will never watched a thriller-type movie? You never turn your back on someone/something you think is knocked out. They’ll get you every time. My husband doesn’t give this too much thought; he’s still trying to figure out how Will Smith knew how to open their spacecraft.

Will’s girlfriend is just as unbelievable. I mean, she’s the only one in the tunnel with enough common sense to kick open a door and get out of the way of the fireball. People in Los Angeles must really be stupid. I have to give her credit, though. At least she didn’t trip on the ground and lay there screaming like most heroines usually do. No, she went right out, found an undamaged truck, and then saved the President’s wife. A little late, perhaps, but at least he got to tell her goodbye. Still can’t figure out why they killed her off. Unless it’s to give all us girls some hope for the future. Sorry, but the Prez was a hunk and now he’s not married.

My husband, being the sci-fi freak he is, also likes the movie Contact. I think it’s pretty good, but also ironic in a lot of ways. Jodie Foster is originally not chosen to “fly” the transport the aliens gave instructions to because she doesn’t have strong religious beliefs. Okay, so if she doesn’t believe in God, then why does she yell, “Oh, God,” when she’s whirling through space. Who is she calling out to? What is that they say about there being no atheists in foxholes? I think the writer of Contact goofed that one up, because she did exactly what I would do in her situation. Ask Father for help.

Have you ever noticed that the trailers don’t quite depict the movies they are advertising? We both thought Starship Troopers would be a pretty good movie from the previews. If you haven’t watched it yet, I’m warning you. I put this right at the top of my personal list of yucky movies. Alien insects overrun the earth. Big insects! Oddly enough, at no point in the movie does anybody grab a can of Raid. I did. Right after the movie was over; I went and sprayed the kitchen. Just in case.

Movies used to be a lot simpler when I was younger. I don’t know when they started getting so weird, but I think Alfred Hitchcock had a hand in all this. We were scared to death watching The Birds and Psycho. Hollywood tasted blood. They saw how well those movies went over and started making all the really scary ones. You know, Halloween, Saw, and an endless parade of others. I guess they figure if they’ve got a formula that works, stick with it.

That system worked for the Rocky and Rambo movies, but they’re not scary. Gory and bloody, yes, but not scary. I love those movies. I’ll gladly forego watching all my Disney movies for a Sylvester Stallone marathon any day. Yes, he’s a hunk, but that’s not it. The good guys always win, or if they don’t, you know they’ve given it their best shot.

That’s what movies are supposed to do, aren’t they? Aren’t they supposed to take us out of ourselves and let us root for the underdog? Even in the much milder movies like Sleepless in Seattle, While You Were Sleeping, and An Affair To Remember, we’re rooting for the underdogs. Lonely people getting together—once upon a time and they lived happily ever after. What a great concept.

Computerization is only making matters worse. I think the reason I like animated movies so much is because the characters can do anything. They’re not limited by time and space, only by the writer’s imagination. Nowadays, computerization is expanding a writer’s horizons and even non-animated films can have the hero doing remarkable things. Unfortunately, Hollywood appears to have taken this opportunity for good and turned it to bad.

Now when we see blood and guts, we see blood and guts. There’s no doubt in our mind it’s not catsup, it looks too real. Everything is too graphic. My husband spends half his time with his head under the covers. That’s one of the reasons we don’t go to the movies—we wait until it comes out on video. He’s too macho to take a blanket into the movies to hide under. He doesn’t care if I know he’s a sissy.

If they’d let us ordinary people vote on the winners, you’d see a whole different outcome. We’d just vote for what we like and not base it on a whole lot of technical junk. We know what we like after all, and that’s all that counts. How many times has the biggest box office hit not even been nominated? Too often to count. I say let us vote. I have enough friends that I might be able to put The Flintstones Meet the Jetsons over the top.

A perfect example of popularity not winning the top awards is The Passion of the Christ. One of the biggest box office hits ever and not even nominated for best movie. And you know why. It’s not fashionable to be a Christian anymore. The movie talks too openly about Jesus for Hollywood to actually think it had merit.

No, for it to be nominated, someone has to sleep with someone else’s spouse, fiancée, brother, etc. In other words, the movie should have immorality in it or it won’t get nominated. I miss the good old days. In those movies, good guys won, and people didn’t sleep in the same bed even if they were married. That might have been a little too much over the top. Sleeping together is okay, it’s showing them having graphic sex that’s not.

When I see some of the new TV shows or advertisements for upcoming movies, I wonder if Father is up there, shaking his head in disbelief. If He is, then I’ll bet He pops in a DVD of The Wizard of Oz. That way he can watch a decent movie without worrying about Dorothy “doing” Toto or the wizard. I’m pretty sure He’d prefer those type of movies. I know I do.