Why???

Am I the only one with lots of unanswered questions about life, or is that more common than I think?  I tried calling 411 for answers, but the operator didn’t seem to be very smart.  In fact, she feigned anger to avoid answering questions she obviously didn’t know the answer to.

For instance, why do dog owners think cats are stupid? It’s common knowledge that most people are in one camp or the other—either a dog lover or a cat lover, but not both.  Cat owners don’t think dogs are stupid, we’d just rather have a cat.  And, FYI, for all the cat-hating dog owners out there, cats aren’t stupid.  No, they don’t roll over and play dead, although mine do fetch.  But, it’s not because they can’t learn tricks, it’s because they’re smart enough to know they don’t have to do them to get fed.

What do men think those remote-control buttons numbered zero to nine are for?  A built-in calculator?  I know they’ve seen them, but my husband thinks the quickest way to get from channel 4 to channel 3 is by pushing the channel up button.  I guess he’s never noticed there’s a channel down button, so the show is half over by the time he gets there. That’s why we have two remotes, and I hide his.  Cats come in handy for that, too, as I blame them.  Dog owners can only blame dogs for eating their homework.

Why will a man refuse to ask for directions?  I’ve come to dread the words “I know exactly where that is!”  When Ed says that, I cringe and reach for a map.  It’s easier than detouring through Dallas to visit Floresville.  I guess it’s an ego thing.  Men don’t like to admit they don’t know anything.  Women have been hearing for so many years we don’t know anything, it’s natural for us to admit we need help.

Have you noticed how much a pattern costs?  I found one I wanted that cost $22.50.  That’s just for the pattern.  By the time you add the material, buttons, thread, etc. onto that, you could buy the blouse.  Why would anyone want to pay $50 for something that will take a week to make and raise your blood pressure about 100 points?  As much as I hate to shop, it’s a lot easier to go to the mall.

What’s amazing is that a pattern is just paper.  When I was a kid growing up, my mom used old patterns for toilet paper if we ran out.  Toilet paper today costs about 40 cents a roll, and they’re printed with pretty flowers, so maybe I can just wrap toilet paper around me.  I’d always look like a bride, but it would come in handy for public restrooms no one has bothered to check.

Under what circumstances would someone need the word Cola in Braille on the lid at a fast-food restaurant?  If a blind person is at the drive-through, chances are they’re by themselves, so they wouldn’t be mixing up the drinks.  Seriously, would you want to ride with them?  I don’t know about you, but if a bunch of us go out to eat, we’re not going to send the blind guy up to the counter to bring back ten drinks, and then sort them out when they get back to the table.  Not that I think they couldn’t do it, because they’d probably be faster than I am, but why should they have to?  They have it hard enough without having to play waiter, too.

In a restaurant the other day, I saw a sign that read “Blind menu available upon request.”  Now that’s interesting. How does a blind person see that sign?  If they ask the waitress if there is such a menu available, does she ask, “Are you blind?  Didn’t you see the sign when you came in?”  I hope not, because I’m sure it would affect her tip.

Speaking of restaurants, why does every restaurant have their own definition of what a senior citizen is?  At one place we eat, we got the discount at 50, at another 55.  There should be a set standard. For those of us that are cheap, it would allow us more variety.  Personally, I think I should be allowed to order off the children’s menu, since it usually has all the cool food.  I do cheat at fast food places and order the kid’s meal. They come with great toys, and I figure I can get away before they realize there’s no kid in the car.

I question a lot of things in life.  My mother swore that when the doctor slapped me, I looked at him and asked “Why?”  The single, biggest mystery to me is why people don’t believe in God. Have you looked at your hand?  I don’t watch my fingers when I type, but they work beautifully.  Sure, sometimes they hit the wrong letter, but that’s why there’s a backspace key.

There is no way you can examine your hands and not believe in God, because fingers can’t be a fluke of nature.  There had to be divine intervention, or we’d have a real problem typing or playing the piano.  It’s also a mystery to me why it’s okay to teach Darwin in schools, but not the Bible.  Does that make sense?  Shouldn’t people be given options, so they can choose for themselves?

I have a list of questions to ask Father when I get up there.  What possible reason did He have for making flies?  Why is the ocean full of salt water, and not drinkable water?  Why are all the really good things fattening, when celery has no calories?  (Unless you load it up with peanut butter or cream cheese, but that’s another whole story.)  Why do people drive for miles with their left-turn signal on, and then end up turning right?  Why do we still use pennies if it costs more to make them than they’re worth?

I want someone to explain some of these to me and who better than Him?  I’m pretty sure I know what His answer will be for most of them.  Free will includes the choice to occasionally be stupid.  Feel free to exercise your free will and leave a comment with your own questions.